Nine Years in silence

Treating me like a princess-
I've never been treated like that before.
I don't know what a princess would demand
Does she have any demands at all?
I ask for you to do things and you get them done
but today was very different,
you have had enough.

why of all the days did i decide
to ask you to do this
to make you believe it had to be done.
when it came to the close,
X  was pressed twice,
the screen blanked out
then you started to explode
all i hear you repeat is 'quiet' 'be quiet' 'just shut up'
lucky am i for not being another person for this is truly not
an explosion, i am told
lucky am i for having your love or i'd have been thrown to the curb

Nothing seemed different from other past  requests
I was confused, dumbfounded, unsure of myself
why of all the days did you pick today
why could you not tell me this those times that I asked
your only demand is for my silence- well deserved
you lived in silence, you breathed in silence then i came in and never stopped making noise
i was told silence is not golden
now i understand selective silence is what i should aim for
that is my demand
of myself
for you.

Because silent I am not
nor i ever will
be able to shut things in
when everyone else is still
i like to scream and yell but I have lost my way
In silence lies mysteries
which anxiety tries to unravel
it charges the silence that is pure of holding evil
and then the day finally came for silence to reveal
that it does not sit there to be pushed around, to be beat upon, to be used by anxiety because it cannot see
that all the mysteries lie within she.
i am my own enemy.


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