te quiero mucho 'ma, te quiero mucho

It's not la hueva that kicks in
that makes me feel heavy--
                                 from my forehead
                                 to my belly button

blood is thicker than water
and though my heart yearns for you
my stomach churns

¿porque no vienes a visitar me?

I'm never able to tell you:

because I don't want to stay there long
because when I go I feel like I have to stay there forever
and all I've ever wanted to do is leave

I tell you to come with me
why don't you leave
your home behind

come and use that money,
and buy a place close to me,
come to me

but you won't come

you say your house is worth more
then what the brokers want to pay
you say you don't want a condominium
you will feel boxed in

you love your garden and your flowers and the roses and the mamey canopy and your lapiz lazuli stair rails and your black iron gate and your dried grapevines and I love them too and I love you
pero duele

duele ir a visitarte
sabiendo que,
que estas sola

55th and Pulaski

I almost hit a school girl while turning east her jean-clad legs and hi-top tenis continued forward in their determined, relaxed, pace
We saw each other through my car door window--                                                                  the air blew her dark brown hair into a swirl                                                                  her chest, she held high                                                                  her hands rested in her navy jacket pockets
I remember stepping into a pair yellow thin lines in the middle of 79th street, just west of Pulaski Road. The car-pierced air threatened to push me into the car lane
the air pushed me forward but then jerked me back
but i loved it
i loved it.

The importance of the brown round table

It wasn't until last summer
that i felt the need to write down
my mother's and father's personal stories

It wasn't until last week
that i felt the value in each
individual piece

I don't feel value
in my other pieces or my work
at my office job which helps
so many people

but what is the value of a life lived
in Chicago, as a woman, as a brown woman
as a woman who labels herself
Mexican and chubby

is it only up to me to build this
value, to build it inside of me
so that others can feel then see
that i do belong here

that my words belong
on this page for you
to read

About house parties and freestyle music

There was a house party at Shorty's on Artesian and 49th. We wore our  butterfly skorts and kswiss shoes, our hair gelled and split, with two thick strands of hair  tied tightly behind our heads. Slick. We pre partied by spending hours looking in the mirror. we looked so damn good at 14. We walked from 52nd and Talman to the party. At 50th and maplewood, we see Moreno making his way, too. We all thought he looked kinda good, but whatever. Once we got to Shorty's she came to greet us at her house door, her lip liner flawless and her curly hair crisp with herbal mousse. Her beeper went off and we walked in, shyly. Prototype played loudly through the mix board speakers, the single floor house was filled with boys. We walked to the couch and sat down, our knees inward. Shorty's back at the door, Mikey!, she says, I turned my head and took a look. He was tall, with a white shirt showing beneath his unbuttoned shirt. He had boot cut jeans that layed over his black combat boots.…


I didn't think he was this bad
I knew he wasn't good but I didn't think he was this bad
why wasn't I told?
maybe because I wasn't good, too. I wouldn't have
been able to help me, though, I like to believe that I would've if
I had the mind to read in between his statements: I miss our times as kids. Remember that time we trick-o-treat on Fletcher street? Time flies by so quickly.
the bottle is the only thing that helps him right now
it's the only way he can stop thinking
seeking shelter in those hard loving memories.
He tries to make everything better by high-fiving all of us now, by pretending he is happy now,
passed out drunk.

(July 27, 2015, 4:53 pm)

In love

Lets be together all the time
so when the day comes where we will be
apart, we both will be fine

because  I will remember how big your
eyes get when you get excited,

and I will remember your big cheeks
when you smile

and I will remember the beautiful line
of your nose

and I will remember how beautiful
your brows frame your face

and how your lips melt into mine
and how your hands mold into mine,
because we are one.

(July 17, 2015 , 7:34 am)

We're porch chillin' people